Episode98
Its a Fuckin' Nostril Maze! (Sphincter Fisting Finale) We started off the night just as the Fister Final Assault Fleet came out of FTL deep inside our enemy's left nostril. Unsurprisingly, Yah's nose was full of Reavers of all varieties, from small creature-sized examples, all the way up to a Reaver General similar to those we had battled previously. One of the first things that we noticed was that Kiwi's Transdimensional God-Sight ability appeared to be stifled now that we were inside of Yah, greatly impairing our ability to see what lay before us. The second thing we noticed was that the giant nasal cavity in which we found ourselves was scored by a series of crevasse-like crevices that circled the whole way around the giant tube-shaped structure. The third thing that we noticed was that the crevices were issuing forth a large number of Tree-Metal Infused Reaver Dragons! Fortunately, we had our own posse of Dragons, who moved to engage them. They were seriously outnumbered though, even with the Progenitor's Flagships and the rest of the Fleet backing them up. Unfortunately, we couldn't let ourselves be distracted, as we knew that we had only a 30 second window in which to vanquish the Ultimate Evil and save the Multiverse! We briefly toyed with the idea of trying to Prism the Reaver General, but then we noticed an even larger, nastier looking Reaver at the back of the Nostril who appeared to be guarding a number of giant Sphincter looking indentations. This definately looked like where we needed to go, but it seemed unlikely that we could get past the Guardian Reaver without a fight! We had some issues with the Reavers nullifying Kiwi's magic, but he was eventually able to cast a Portal that let us jump directly to the back of the passage. A number of the Fisters in the Support Group took Hits in the process, but all of them made it through, (leaving the rest of the Fleet behind to deal with the Reaver Dragons without us however). As we blasted out of the Portal the VDF Reaver Busters unleashed a simultaneous Cryo-Battery volley, filling the entire area with a blast of cold and thinning out all of the the lesser Reavers in the vicinity, clearing a path straight to the Guardian! We followed up with our Combined Gaze of Righteousness, blasting the Reaver out of the Head Section of its Host. Or we thought it would, but apparently this particular Reaver had some sort of Special Candy that allowed it to resist the effects of the Gaze, (even though it failed it's Save?). Pete did his standard 'on the fly' Prophecy Lore to to find a passage that met his needs, started mumbling under his breath about "Two and Two", and exhorted the Fisters to let 'em have it again! It was a bit of a stressful wait for the required Speed Factor as all manner of Terrible Reaver Bullshit rained down on us, (with Oros' Bridge Section bearing the brunt of it). The Reaver Guardian fired up the evil field of making your RF work against you instead of helping, temporarily forcing us back, but we had to close again to get in range for the second Gaze! This time we succeed in completely forcing the Reaver's essence out of at least one Section of it's Host, setting us up for the Prism/Gaze combo. In a flash, Pete dropped down the ladder from Oros' Brige into the Astrometrics Lab to deploy his Prism Rifle through one of the Mystic Weapon ports that Kiwi had installed there, striking the now Soul-Skin free Section with his patented 'Pete-Tec' Prism of Cleansing Round, and rolling a Natural 20 on the attack! Our jubilation was short lived though, as the Reaver, (apparently), rolled a Natural 20 to Defend! (Boo!) Also, the Reaver simultaneously blasted Oros in the Bridge again, this time destroying it and spilling us all out into space! Fortunately everybody in the party was more than prepared for such an eventuality, and gracefully cart-wheeled out and into position to continue the fight, (Pete of course being immediately picked up by his Robotic Space-Fighter). Unfortunately, the Reaver used his Counter Spell ability to prevent the Kiwika from using his Healing Magics on Oros, leaving our sentient spaceship temporarily disabled. None the less, with the rest of the Group already half-way through the Speed Factor to hit the Guardian with the Combined Wrathful Gaze of Righteous Wrathfulness, it was up to Pete to try again with the Cleansing Prism, (and stick it this time!). Fortunately, with the plus 50 to Strike from the Light Emulsion Nanites that Pete was by now absolutely hopped up on, (and a good roll!), he was able to bury the Cleansing Prism in the Reaver's Hide, watching with satisfaction as it transdimensionaly wormed its way in deeper and deeper. The rest of the group followed up on the next Segment with the full Wrath Gaze, blasting him for over 1,400 points of Damage! Not only did this blow that Fucker to shreds, thanks to our Transdimensional Slip-Stream Amplification Field Generators, (set to a range of 'one' to avoid using up too many Reavers before the climactic finale), all of the damage was transferred to every other Reaver in the Galactic Hex, vaporizing the vast majority of them! While this greatly evened the odds for our Support Fleet, (holding a desperate rear-guard action behind us), it also meant that only Tree-Metal infused Reaver Dragons and Planet-Reavers were left, (looking partly singed and pretty pissed-off!). With the Guardian Reaver taken care of, but a number of the remaining Reaver Dragons closing rapidly in behind us, (as well as multiple Gates opening up and spewing forth Reaver reinforcements), it was time to try and figure out how to penetrate the Sphincters. The Space Fighters tried to force their way through with their thruster power, but were soundly rebuffed when the Sphincter puckered up in defensive mode, (severely damaging Major Collins' Fighter). OJ, free floating in space still, was able to force his way through with his prodigious Strength, (enhanced with Cybernetics, Mystic Grafts and his Exo-System), but this didn't seem like it would help to get the Ships through, (and also left him trapped by himself on the other side!). Fortunately, thanks to his Epic Perception Buffs Oz noted a Dragon Scale-looking item, covered in arcane runes, floating where the Reaver Guardian had been moments before. After a heated and very brief Telepathy conference with Traxis, (who was apparently kind of busy with all of the Reaver Dragons), Oz concluded that it must be some kind of mystic security device. Bending the Dragon Scale to his will, Oz was able to force the giant Sphincter to Un-Pucker! We immediately lined our ships up in the most phallic formation we could manage, and proceeded to Fist our way through. The Giant Sphincter. No, really. Seriously, I don't write this shit, I just report what happened! Once we were through the sphincter we needed to make up for lost time. We arbitrarily chose to go left, and proceeded up and around the corner to see revealed a long, (and unfortunately dead-end), passage, with some kind of giant green ooze-like creature at the end. As soon as it noticed us the Dragon Snot-Demon, (or whatever it was), started to produce copious quantities of an extremely unpleasant looking substance that began to fill up the passageway and ooze towards us. Deciding that discretion is the better part of valor, (and also we apparently needed to be going the other way regardless), we turned and fled back the way we came as fast as we could safely fly in the increasingly confined quarters. As we finished up the first Round we had gotten back to the Sphincters and had moved on in the other direction, searching for the correct passage to lead us to Yah's Brain. Only a few Rounds left to save the Multiverse, we had better hope that we don't get lost again! Back to Space Junk Log Category:Space Junk